Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
