dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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