So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
