i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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