Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
