I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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