ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
