My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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