why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
