So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
