I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
