i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
