I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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