He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
