What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
