Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
