don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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