considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
