I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I could have mohawked her pubes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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