I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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