so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
