I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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