I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need to align my fucking chakras
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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