OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
