My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
