Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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