You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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