What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
