This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
