he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
