There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
