I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
