I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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