i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
