Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
