I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
