Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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