I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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