is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
