Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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