I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
