Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
