i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
