Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
