508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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