Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
