the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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