I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
