If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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