youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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