Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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