I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
