Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize