The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
