put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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