So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The air taste purple.
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