remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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