so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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