So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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