Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
