why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
