is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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