It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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