I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
