you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
