I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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