It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
