Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
how does that bad decision feel?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
