Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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