So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wear drunk well.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
