Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
