need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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