My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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