it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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